John Bartholomew Thomas ‘Bart’ Betow, an 18-year-old freshman at OU, graduated from Cascia Hall in Tulsa. “He was an extremely likable, very talented kid,” shares Gary. “Bart absolutely loved sports, played baseball, and watched ESPN. He wanted to go into journalism and be a sportswriter, or maybe a broadcaster.” Bart’s talents were apparent at an early age. “He had a toy guitar when he was little,” remembers Kathy. “He always liked to sing and dance and would perform with music on the radio or CD. His Grandpa Lowell bought him his first real guitar, which was not much shorter than Bart.”
As Gary, Kathy and Faith made their way westbound along I-44 from Tulsa, they encountered torrential rain and a driving wind. Storms had been raging throughout the night, taking their toll on turnpike travelers. About halfway to the hospital, traffic began to slow and finally came to a standstill. An accident up ahead had both westbound lanes completely shut down. As lightning flashed and rain pounded their Suburban, the sense of urgency was growing into one of frustration. Gary recalls, “We didn’t even know why Bart was out traveling on a school night.” By this time, Kathy began to back up along the shoulder, looking for a way to escape the turnpike. As she made her way beside the line of motorists, the cell phone rang. It was Bart’s girlfriend, Jessica. She asked if they’d heard from Bart, saying she was worried because she hadn’t heard from him in several hours. They learned that Bart had driven to Tulsa to see her. He’d left around 10:00 p.m. and promised to call her when he arrived back at school. She was still waiting for his call.
Bart’s musical talents quickly blossomed. He sang for two years with the Tulsa Boy Singers, a renowned area choir. He taught himself how to play the guitar and formed a 3-piece band with some friends at school. In addition to the cover tunes the band played, Bart started writing original songs for the band to perform. Bart’s sister, Faith, admired her older brother. “He played baseball and he liked music. He could write his own songs, and I thought that was cool. And I always wanted to be like that.” Piano lessons provided some training in music notation. Bart learned how to read and play rhythm charts on the drums and tried out for the Pep Band at Cascia Hall. Kathy recalls, “Bart wrote music for the Pep Band. He wrote different rhythms and named them all.”
Kathy finally spotted an opening in the center median of the turnpike. She cautiously maneuvered the SUV to the other side and headed back east to the nearest exit. With the turnpike now behind them, the family made it to Oklahoma City without further delay. When Gary, Kathy and Faith reached the hospital around 3:30 a.m., they were asked to wait for the attending physician. Gary remembers, “When the doctor did finally arrive, her first words were ‘Well… what do you know?’” Kathy replied, “We know our son’s been in a wreck and that he’s on a ventilator… and we know it’s serious.” The doctor then explained that Bart had suffered a massive brain injury, and it was not survivable. As the family questioned the doctor they learned that other motorists had witnessed the accident, and a highway patrolman and emergency medical technicians had arrived on the scene within minutes. Apparently, Bart lost control of his car in the storm. The vehicle had flipped, spun around and crashed backwards into a bridge abutment.
Kathy called Bart’s godfather, the Catholic priest who married Gary and Kathy and Gary’s close friend since high school. Located in nearby Sacred Heart Parish, Father Anthony Taylor arrived within minutes. Kathy remembers, “It was a comfort to have Tony there.” A short time later the doctor told the family that when the medicine used to control the swelling in Bart’s brain left his system, they would perform a final test to assess his brain function. “We waited all morning, and no one ever gave us any hope,” remembers Gary. “Another friend of ours, Dr. Matt Blankenship, heard about the accident and came to see Bart. After reading the chart, Matt assured us that Bart’s head injury was not survivable.” The family was then approached about the idea of organ donation. Gary remembered taking Bart to get his driver’s license two years earlier. “I explained what it meant to be an organ donor, and Bart said ‘Oh yeah, I know that, of course I would want to do that.’ So when the question was posed to us… frankly, it was a relief to say ‘yes’, we didn’t even have to think about that.”
Bart’s songwriting evolved into writing for the Cascia Hall school paper. As he refined his skills, he also began writing for the Friday Satellite section of the Tulsa World newspaper and blogging on the internet. Gary explains, “Bart had a gift for words. Anything that had to do with writing, communicating, expressing thoughts or emotions… it just came naturally to him.” Bart was asked to be a leader at a Kairos weekend retreat for Christian youth. He wrote and gave a presentation titled “Piety”. The talk described Bart’s thoughts about Christianity and his own life experience. The excerpts that follow are from "Piety" by Bart Betow.
“My transition from a life without reliance on God to a life with reliance on Him has not been easy, though. In fact, I would say that it is a process still going on today.” ("Piety" by Bart Betow)
It was difficult for Gary, Kathy and Faith to watch the oxygen levels fall when Bart’s ventilator was turned off at 2:00 p.m. Gary remembers, “He looked perfect, there wasn’t a scrape or any blood on him. We just stood there for a little while and finally realized that Bart was dead. We hugged him and kissed him and whispered a painful goodbye…”
“It is difficult for me to realize that there are some things over which I have no control; that make no sense in worrying over… Yet with confidence in God, I can tell you that it is worthwhile to live a pious and Christian life.” ("Piety" by Bart Betow)
Family and friends have come together to show their love and support. Gary, Kathy and Faith continue to adjust to life without Bart. Gary shares, “It’s so hard to lose a child, and you feel so robbed of what could have been. The fact that Bart was an organ donor is just a way of reassuring us that his life had meaning and significance, and that it continues to have significance for everyone who received one of his organs.” Bart’s donation has saved four organ recipients and improved the lives of countless tissue recipients.
“It is possible for each of us to live a pious life. Sure, it won’t be perfect at all, but remember that God loves us for our efforts.” ("Piety" by Bart Betow)
For promising young writer, Bart Betow, his greatest expression would not flow from his pen, but rather, from his love for others.
